Let Your Genitalia Be Your Christmas Tree

I had not gotten waxed in a looooong time. I know its vagina blasphemy, vlasphemy, but I’ve been doing the old shaving. Sometimes NYers get busy. & I hadn’t done any basement maintenance since November. Winter wear I suppose. But I pulled myself up by my thong and went for it on a brutally cold day. It’s kind of like that smoker subconscious attitude, like smoking a cigarette will somehow warm you up during a chill. Could a Brazilian wax do the same?

I went rich pussy style & got waxed at Blooming Nails & Spa located at 430 E. 72nd St in Manhattan.

It was a very clean, quiet place with 2 partition waxing rooms. A woman age wise who could’ve been my mother was my waxer. Her name tag let me know her name was Eunice.

A light FM like radio station was playing overhead. The Police’s, Every Breath You Take first played. This combined with the smell of Johnson’s Baby Powder & the golden vine wallpaper decorating the place that was reminiscent of my nana’s living room gave me a sensation of being watched. Like I was doing something taboo.

Eunice wore no gloves as she made the scissors motion with her digits to tell me she was going to cut some. Like I said, winter wear. That’s ok. I’m sure on that slow freezing day I gave them something to gab about. Though I will say the whole process took an hr & 10 min & I wondered if her arms were getting tired. When I was a teenager I worked as a waitress. On a busy day I could go forever. Your adrenaline is pumping. On a slow day someone walks in & you go, “Oh dammit.” Whatever. You do a lot if wondering on that table.

She worked slowly but carefully. I was never asked to hold once. My silence caused her to give me a pat on the upper right arm & say, “You’re so good.” What could be heard were hits like Survivor’s, Eye of the Tiger (Oh if they only knew!), Madonna’s, Like a Virgin (There’s a chuckle for you.), & J. Geils Band’s, Centerfold (Hey sometimes you just gotta spread eagle.)

The wax was seemingly cooler than usual at first but I don’t know if its heat increased or if it was my sensitivity but the temperature absolutely rose. A woman went into the neighboring waxing room & I could hear she was getting eyebrows and armpits done. In my mind I thought armpits sounded painful and then the second thought of I’m having lava streaked across my crotch rolled in.

I gave one flinch during the whole time as she really worked on one area. I think Eunice was pleased by this. The small arm pat happened again followed with a, “yes.” It assured her I was actually human. She may have been testing that throughout the wax because more often than not after a pull she gave that area a small slap.

She turned me over for a complete job. Coming full circle to youth, at the end of that area she pulled out a spray bottle & said, “This is Sea Breeze” and sprayed away.

1) I have not used Sea Breeze since the 90s & certainly not in that area.

2) Never ever let anyone do that to you. Holy mother the burning.

Then back I was facing the ceiling for a final tweeze. I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, I’m sure- but she left some remainders of winter wear behind. I’ll never understand not wanting to complete your work.

There was a final pat with an added, “Good job,” and a reminder to come monthly.

The bill came to $95 and I tipped her $20. When waxing near York Avenue expect to shell out for your shell.

Earlier that day I was in the home of a delightful single woman who had put up a Christmas Tree this year. Actually, I went to more than one home this holiday season where the occupant was single and still put up a Christmas Tree. & Why not? Your eyes, your vision, your space around you matters. How you take care of yourself effects how you function in the outside world.

So whatever your status this past winter, this recent holiday season, if you want a wax you get a wax. Celebrate yourself. Love yourself the most. Let your genitalia be your Christmas Tree.

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About touchmygirl

I got really into the idea of getting a brazilian wax. With much trepidation, I went for it. I was instantly hooked. It became a must do on my beauty regiment. I noticed the person doing the wax would often say some pretty strange things. Then came the thought, I wonder what the experience would be like in other venues. A whole new world of odd remarks was born. I also learned the pros and cons of different places, price fluctuations, and the skill level of people. This is the blog of a brazilian waxee guinea pig.
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