Before I begin with the wax, let me back that vagina up & discuss the party before, the special edition-Pubic Hair Oiling. A product came to my attention- Fur Oil
A daily regiment product, to oil your pubic hair, make it softer, less ingrowns.
Well I’m always up for an adventure & who doesn’t want to purchase a product called Fur Oil? Who doesn’t want that on their credit card statement? So I purchased a 2 week supply with the plan of oiling for 1 week and then off to a wax.
This small bottle came in the mail. I gotta tell you, if you had Earth Mother Bush, this would never make 2 weeks.
I had so many questions.
What about after I use the bathroom & wipe? Do I need to reapply?
Will it stain my underwear?
Should I be wearing cotton underwear?
Is once a day enough?
How much is enough?
How much it too much? (Can there ever be too much???)
Well I just went for it. An uncharted land. A wooly wilderness.
I made it part of my post morning shower routine. It includes things like toner, lotion, deodorant. And for a week it included Fur Oil. I did not reapply after a bathroom break. I did not made it a bedtime routine. I did pack it once when I stayed over someone’s home. I stayed true!
I’m not accustomed to having hair. And with the oil added in, I felt 70s porn. I felt fancy. I felt like I was doing a dead beauty routine. Something maybe done in 1700s France.
Did it actually accomplish anything? I’m going to say no. Hair texture was the same and ingrown status same as well. But I like the idea of it. I also think if you believe something will work it’ll work. & it’s nice to think of yourself. I also think you could easily concoct your own Fur Oil. A little Jojoba or Almond oil, a drop or two of this and that and bang you’ve got it. There’s a project for you. Winter is coming. Get yourself a finished basement for more insulation & prepare some oil treats for it.
So now since that undertaking was accomplished, it was time for a wax. For this waxing experience I went to May Flower Nails and Spa located at 110 West End Ave.
It was really quiet-I was the only pilgrim in the joint! One of the employees lead me to a back room. It was a lot deeper than it appeared. Similar to a vagina. The waxer stayed in the room (very warm room) while I de-pants. Soft piano music played overhead. She said, “Everything?” Which I confirmed.
Once atop the table she placed me in frog legs position & shook baby powder over me. At 1st she was wearing a medical mask but that was almost immediately removed. Either she determined my Mayflower to be a sanitary boat or it was just too damn hot in this ship. She didn’t wear any gloves.
She asked me if I hurt. But I knew she was indicating if I’m sensitive to this, not was I hurting at the moment. I said no I’ll be fine. I asked her if people hurt a lot & she laughed a bit. She said sometimes people are just scared at first. She worked quickly starting at one side then to the other. She really got in there, pulling me apart. Like being in a gonzo porn. She gave a few blow out huffs, the kind you’d make when moving furniture. Remodeling my Mayflower.
It was a very interactive wax. I did a lot of holding, her moving my hands here and there. Being told, “you help me” and “hold here.” This was not the wax for taking notes during. No multitasking here. My nails weren’t in great shape & I wondered if looking at my hands she was judging me. But it’s probably so routine for her she doesn’t even notice. One pull she warned me would hurt a little but it did not. I actually could’ve fallen asleep. But heat makes me tired. She held up a post wax strip one time for me to view. At the dentist years ago he held up a mirror for me to see my mouth before he finished working on a crown. This was waaaaaaay less traumatizing. I think the soft piano music made the dentist experience really pop in my head.
There was only one moment where the wax was just a little too hot & I gave the most minuscule flinch. She still picked up on that and asked if the wax was too hot. A very aware esthetician.
When the front was done she told me to turn over. I’m always glad when backside is included & I don’t have to ask for it. I really shouldn’t praise what should automatically be included. But after so many disappointments I’m happy when I’m not laying there naked from the waist down asking a total stranger to wax my ass.
I laid on my stomach the whole time for that.
When finished she applied a baby oil like product that was in a large pump bottle that made the noise pump bottles sometimes do. It had that flair of going into unromantic or money savvy/Costco (BJs seems more appropriate) baby oil backdoor sex.
Then flipped back over. She did a little tweezing. Then BJs oiled the deck. Then a cool wipe. And a liberal dousing of baby powder again. It’s interesting how children’s products cross bridges. Baby oil and baby powder for waxes. Glue sticks for drag queens’ eyebrows.
She stayed in the room again till I was almost dressed. When I finished I tipped her $20 & then paid $52.50 at the counter. & took a complimentary mint. I was parched!
When I got home I gave a look over. I must say this was one of if not the very best waxes I’ve ever had. Only like 2 teeny stragglers & no redness! So at least there’s something to bring positivity to the name Mayflower.
A note on Puerto Rico. I don’t think I need to tell you about the words the idiot in chief said about Puerto Rico & his display of throwing paper towels. Honestly, I don’t know how he lives with himself & those in his immediate circle can stomach him. No amount of money would I be able to do that for. A lot of people getting Brazilian waxes also get periods. So my fellow waxee, or interested in my waxes, or maybe getting one yourself someday, gather up some compassion. Let’s not leave it to the humans of Puerto Rico in need of menstrual products to be wadding up Trump paper towels. Here is a list of firehouses in NYC taking menstrual products. I dropped off some earlier this week.